Friday, February 4, 2011

First Thoughts

I don't really know where to begin.  Since I'm not aiming for any writing awards, I will just plunge in.  It's important to me to record things, as I've recently taken up an enjoyable hobby (paper crafting and card making). but more importantly, I'm nearing a life changing 'big-deal' moment.

I've been a type 1 diabetic for most of my adult life.  Yes, it's been a drag.  I've had one eye surgery, numerous hospital stays and more recently, the loss of kidney function.  That started about 2 and a half years ago and I've now been on peritoneal dialysis for just over a year.  I think I've handled things bravely and well.  I lack energy and strength.  I've known what those around me didn't.  The fact is, that dialysis only buys some time.  I am, in fact, headed towards the inevitable - death.  Dialysis will give me a reasonable quality of life for approximately 8 years. That's a fast seven left. Hardly any time at all.

It's been an everyday reality for me to know that I won't live to be an old woman.  I won't see my youngest grow to manhood.  No, I haven't huddled in a corner obsessing over my fate.  I will admit that the knowledge coupled with my very ill health have made me feel 'set apart'.  The rest of the world marches on and I feel somewhat detached and long for the brief time when I was a healthy adult.

I've said enough for tonight.  It's a downer.  Tomorrow I will write about the wonderful new hope I have for a future, and the enjoyment my hobby is giving me despite being a rank amature.

1 comment:

  1. I've come to know you. Your strength, in the depths of darkness, your humor, when all seems bleak, your love, and selflessness, when pain and selfishness are exhibited by others with less to cope than you. I am PROUD to call you friend, and refer to you as "SISTER" I love you.